the outsider
by MsEstora
Summary: She is the Queen, and yet she's entirely alone.


_Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by George Lucas. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended._

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**the outsider**

She tried to pay attention to the words being spoken to her, but the dialogue seemed muffled and the content brushed over her mind only briefly before being consumed by her tumultuous thoughts, like a small lifeboat swamped by a wave in the ocean. The speaker was a young man; a junior Minister only, a back-bencher from the House of Representatives, and he was stammering an awful lot and clenching a tissue in his fist, clearly resisting the urge to bring it up to his forehead which glistened with sweat.

"Would you care for some water?" Breha swiftly interjected as he stammered and halted his words, looking fretful. The boy – he really was only a boy, too young to be called a man yet – nodded gratefully, and one of the servants brought over a glass of water at her gesture. The ice in the glass clinked softly as he gulped it down quickly.

"Thank you, Your Majesty," he said, and took the opportunity to wipe the sweat from his brow.

It was technically 'Your Serene Majesty', but she wasn't fussed about official titles and didn't want correct the poor boy and make him more nervous than he already was. She didn't think of herself as particularly intimidating, but Breha often had to remind herself that, for some people, she wasn't just Breha. She was the Queen, not just a fellow Minister or citizen of Alderaan.

She'd be far more interested in what the boy was talking about if he _were _speaking to her as just Breha. Breha tried to catch his eyes on more than one occasion but he quickly averted his gaze, as though scared, and she tried to focus on his speech but it was a garbled jumble of social concerns that were being addressed in parliament already by better-spoken politicians.

"Th-thank you for your time, ma'am," the boy finally said after she'd said her usual 'thanks' and something about appreciating his dedication to Alderaan. "I – I mean, Your Majesty – Your _Serene_ Majesty! I – oh…"

Breha offered him a comforting smile. "It's all right," she reassured him. She considered asking him to stay a little longer and have tea with her. Perhaps she would ask him about himself – which region he came from, how he became interested in politics, so on and so forth. It would be nice to talk to someone who wasn't part of her paid staff for a while – but he looked ready to wet his pants.

Breha sighed, and eventually the boy – really, he was far too young for politics – made his way out, leaving her alone in the meeting room with only her staff and main handmaiden for company. The silence that reigned was no better than the nervous haver that filled the room only moments ago; if anything, it was worse, because it meant Breha had no choice but to focus on her other thoughts.

She was grateful for her handmaiden's presence. "Can I get you anything, my Lady?" Yael asked, approaching her.

_You can call me Breha_, she almost replied, but she knew Yael took her position too seriously and respected Breha too much as her Queen to ever call her by her given name. Breha sighed again and folded her hands in her lap, resisting the urge to fidget. "Are there any messages for me?" she asked.

"Yes, my Lady. Prime Minister Donatus requests your presence at the –"

"No, I meant –" Breha interrupted, "I meant… personal messages."

Yael's expression was pinched with pained sympathy. "Oh," she murmured. "No, my Lady. I'm sorry."

She expected that, of course, but her chest still clenched tightly as another sliver of hope was shattered. "Not even a reply from Senator Amidala?" Breha still tried, almost desperately, even though she knew it was foolish. Yael would have told her if Padmé replied to her request for a casual meeting – she often held Breha's commlink during long functions and extended meeting sessions. Breha was thankful for that; she knew if she held the device, she'd only end up obsessively checking it several times a minute, waiting for Bail or Padmé or _anyone_ to contact her.

"No, my Lady," Yael said again.

Breha nodded, pinching her lips together. "Thank you, Yael. Do you know if Bail received the new robes I sent him?"

"Records show Ms Retrac signed for the package four days ago."

Bail's lack of communiqué probably had something to do with Kenobi's heavily publicised return to Coruscant, on respite from the Wars. That hurt, too. "I see."

Yael seemed to struggle with herself for a moment. "Lady Tia has shown a personal interest in your wardrobe, my Lady."

"You mean she commented snidely on the fact that I wore the same dress twice in one week?" Breha corrected, raising an eyebrow. "I've no doubt."

She didn't think she was quite so desperate yet as to contact Bail's vapid sister, of all people, and organise a shopping trip with her, just for a day out to spend with someone, but Breha couldn't stop the thought from crossing her mind. She sighed once more and closed her eyes, the beginnings of a headache starting to throb behind her eyes.

"Are you all right, my Lady?"

_Breha. For the love of the Force, please just call me Breha._ "I'm fine, Yael," Breha said, forcing her eyes open. She pulled a smile on to her face as well, and hoped it didn't look strained. "It's just been a long week. I could use a rest."

Yael nodded. "I could clear your appointments this evening, my Lady."

"Oh, no, that won't be necessary," Breha said. Truth be told, she wasn't looking forward to any of them, but if she didn't throw herself into her work and keep distracted, her thoughts would turn again and again and again to those dark corners of her mind she tried to ignore. Her hand brushed over her abdomen thoughtlessly before she realised what she was doing. Breha shook her head and placed her hand firmly back in her lap. "I'll be fine for this evening, Yael."

She glanced at the clock on the wall, ticking steadily – only fifteen minutes had passed since she last checked it, but that time seemed like an eternity. "I still have time before Minister Torosa arrives. Would you care to join me for tea?"

Yael coloured slightly. "I can have it sent for immediately, my Lady."

That wasn't what she'd asked at all, but Breha was too tired to argue over it. Her chest clenched unpleasantly again and she forced another smile. "Thank you, Yael."

Yael bowed her head and left, and this time the silence felt like a chamber filling with water slowly, seeping through the cracks and rising above her feet, her knees, and crushing around her chest as she tried to breathe. The servants and guards standing around the room didn't speak to her and she didn't try to speak to them, and the clock kept on ticking on the wall. Breha wondered whom she could turn to, to simply have someone hold her hand. Just for a little while.

Yael came back with tea, carried by a serving girl, and Breha thanked them both. She held the cup and wrapped her hands around it, drawing artificial strength from the warmth, and closed her eyes. It was the best she was going to get.


End file.
